The reason we do weekly marriage meetings is that we don’t want to ignore little issues, let them become massive problems and ruin our relationship.
It’s what it is?!
Sorry but this is BS and the worst thing you can do to your relationship! It is not what it is, it’s what you create! Regular meetings can significantly improve your life, relationship, communication and intimacy. Why? Because they can guide you to talk, have clarity and learn more about more about your partner.
The little things that drive you crazy
At the meetings you’ll get that there are habits your partner has and they’re not going to change any time soon if ever. You need to learn how to not make a big deal about it, because he/she doesn’t do it to upset you.
For example: my husband has a thing with drawers, he doesn’t close them properly. When we met, he just left them open and I mean OPEN! It was driving me nuts, I got so angry about it and created silly arguments. He’s much better now and I’m still going around the house and closing drawers, but I don’t get angry about it anymore. I keep in my mind that in the future we need to get self-closing and soft closing drawer slides. And he will pay for it 😊
The agenda needs to suit you
We tried a few different ‘agendas’ before we created one which work for us. Don’t follow something what doesn’t work for you because it won’t benefit your relationship. It might take you a few meetings to find what works for you.
We like to keep the meeting intentional and if you would see us you might think it’s a business meeting. But I keep a box of tissues next to me just in case. When we started doing our meetings, we both had to get things off our chests and I got emotional and that’s ok. It’s better to have a little cry than filing for divorce later.
How we do our marriage meeting:
- Choose a day and time, put it in your calendar and stick to it! No distractions and no excuses! It needs to become your habit.
- Get ready for the meeting, be clear on what you want to communicate.
- Write everything down! We have a special notebook, but you can use your PC, whatever works for you.
- Keep it intentional, we aim to go thought everything in 30 minutes. But don’t rush your meeting at the beginning.
- Don’t make each other wrong.
- Be honest, open and take responsibility for your mistakes. Don’t blame your partner for your mess!
- While one speaks, the other listens, not interrupting
- Use The 5 second rule if you’re getting upset (counting down from 5 to 1 and take a deep breath)
Here is our agenda:
- What worked: appreciate each other, so be specific and generous
- Share your achievements, goals and tasks you did in the past week
- Thank to your partner for a great night out, cleaning the car, sexy time etc.
- Give him/her a compliment and be specific
- Say well done to your partner for achieving his/her goals
- What didn’t work, went wrong and what was missing:
We decide to create a few areas to make sure we covered everything *:
- Work & Business: spending too many hours at work. I hate my job I want to do something else.
- Finances: overspending, not making enough money, savings
- Diet & fitness: not going to the gym, eating fast food every day
- Household: cleaning, shopping, cooking and home improvement
- Us and intimacy: missing a date night, not happy with your sex life
- Kids and family: including your parents and in-laws
- Fun and social life: not going out enough or too much*you can use these areas for ‘what worked’ too.
*you can use these areas for ‘what worked’ too.
Don’t forget it’s not about making each other wrong! You’re talking responsibilities for things you didn’t do or didn’t communicate properly with your partner.
We keep it intentional and short, you’re basically making a statement about what and why didn’t work.
- I didn’t get a new client because I didn’t make any sales call or sales conversation.
- I don’t like we’re spending too much time on our phones and missing on quality time together.
- We need to do a spring cleaning, should we hire a cleaner, so we don’t need to do it and argue about?
3. Action plan and goals:
After you find out what didn’t work and why you need to create an action plan, so you don’t repeat your “mistakes” (bad habits, procrastination etc.). Give up ‘I’m independent, I can do it myself!’ and discuss how you can help and support each other. You’re creating the relationship together. Asking for help is not a weakness.
You can either create goals for each of the areas or just have one goal. It’s up to you. For big goals I would recommend using the S.M.A.R.T technique.
I don’t like we’re spending too much time on our phones and missing on quality time together.
- No more phones after 9pm
- We’ll have at least one ‘No TV night’ every week
My husband and I prefer weekly meetings as it help us being on track. It’s up to you how often you’ll do your meetings, weekly, every other week or monthly just give it a go.