Step in Mum’s Story
This is my short story and how and why Step in Mum was created. I was single and living in London when I met my now-husband in 2014. He was about to start the divorce process with his ex-wife after some time of separation and his daughter was four at that time. He would normally be on my ‘NO-NO’ list but somehow, we clicked. I wasn’t completely naïve, but there were a lot of issues, feelings and upsets coming up that I wasn’t ready for. I made the first year very difficult for everyone and myself.
The process of his divorce was very difficult for us
Resentment, broken promises and hearts were playing a bit part in this and it’s understandable. But all conversations went through numerous emails and a mediator, it took ages to get anything done. Plus, they were not making any progress. One day I literally lost it and yelled at my now-husband ‘Just pick up the f***** phone and call her for f*** sake! WTF are you waiting for!’ And he did. Since that day things started to shift. I coached my husband on how to let go of the resettlement and upsets. Most importantly I helped him to communicate and understand his ex-wife.
We went from weekends full of tantrums, crying, screaming and drama to having a peaceful and fun time (but let’s wait for what happens when my SD will be a teenager). I’m not going to lie it wasn’t easy, we had to work very hard as a team to get where we’re now.
My other issue was being the second wife, it felt like a huge stigma
I thought ‘people will tell me he divorced once, and he will do it again’ and ‘I never will be the first one’. It was the source of all evil in my relationship. I had to give up trying to prove myself and change my approach. Once again not an easy job but it can be done.
We both had to grow, step up, give up and let go a lot. Things are not always perfect or great, but we work on ourselves and our relationship every day. Stepparenting is hard but it doesn’t need to be difficult. Find out more about Step in Mum on Step in Mum Instagram.
In December 2019 I launched The very first UK podcast for stepmums, co and single parents. The Step in mum
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