Friends can provide great support for you during tough times, but sometimes you need the one extra person who’ll be completely honest, kind and kick-ass. This person will help you to heal faster, effectively and for good.
I’m going to be very honest and straightforward in this blog so please keep in your mind that:
- I’m not saying your friends are bad people, useless or un-supportive
- I’m not making you and/or your friends wrong
- I’m not saying that your situation is easy
- I’m not saying you’re a victim or weak
There are three reasons I think friends won’t always help you:
Not being honest with you
Has this ever happened to you: you break up with someone and suddenly some of your friends tell you that they never liked him/her, you were not a good match, or even told you that they knew about he/she was doing something wrong behind your back and you don’t understand why they never said anything earlier.
Something similar can happen while you’re trying to get over your ex. It doesn’t mean your friends are ‘bad people’, maybe they’re just scared to be honest with you, tell you things that can hurt you, or don’t how to help.
But in difficult times we need strong people around us. Someone who will support you and give you the gentle push from your denial to accept what happened, move on and heal. Look for that strong friend or get a life coach and let them to ‘push’ you, to kick your ass to be happy, find and love yourself again!
Never-ending toxic conversation
You can spend hours every day on your phone talking to your friends talking about how horrible you feel, how much you hate your ex, how he/she mistreated you. But complaining on WhatsApp till 2am won’t help you, it will do the opposite.
Having ‘oh poor you’ conversations is like re-visiting the break up all over again, you’ll never get over this. You must stop! You need help and I’m not talking about your friends stopping you sending a drunk text to your ex.
You need to stop feeling sorry for yourself, cut the crap and take control over your life! Do you really want to spend the rest of your life with talking about the one asshole who broke you?
Have you tried therapy or life coaching, but it didn’t work? The reason is simple, you were not a good match with your coach, and you gave up way to soon. It could take time to find the right coach so give it a go!
They treat you like a victim …. and you got addicted to it
Your friends may have the best intentions, but it comes back to re-visiting the break up. They want to help, support you, agree with you, be there for you not matter what. But everything has its limit.
People can feel pleasure when their receive attention or pity. We all do it or did it in the past, feeling like there is always someone out there ready to jump in to help and feel sorry for us. But they don’t kick your ass from denial, they don’t let you accept what happen, move forward and life your life!
As soon you’ll start working on giving up the victim card, you’ll start healing! It’s not easy because we can be ‘addicted’ to be a victim, but I promise you it’s the best thing you can do for yourself!
Once again, I believe friends can be great support during and after your break up, divorce or any other difficult time you’re going thought. But if you don’t see any progress within a few months after you need to take actions. You’re responsible for the life you have right now, no matter what your ex did to you, don’t give him/her the pleasure of ruining your life and future! You’re in charge of your life and yourself!!